What a week

So big Navy watched Tiger King and thought, "you know what, we could do better than this." The foundation is already there. The Navy is rife with substance abuse issues, weird sex stuff, and leadership that is questionable at best making life changing decisions on a whim. It's almost too easy to compare the two things.

Well, the Navy took the drama and turned it up to 11 this last week. We're all dealing with it now right? The crushing isolation and the fact that going outside might mean major illness. It really brings you down. Maybe so much so that Acting SECNAV Modly jumped on the opportunity to get out of his house to fly all the way to Guam to deal with a CO's letter going public about COVID-19 spreading through his crew. Sure, is that a little extreme? Maybe. I don't think anyone was ready for what happened next though. Let's have a listen shall we?




So there's a lot to unpack here and I don't really have the time for that. One thing is for certain, you gotta respect the confidence. Imagine Steve Balmer getting on the PA at Microsoft campus and berating their employees for liking Bill Gates and shitting all over they guy that took the company into the Fortune 500... Obviously, this didn't end well for Modly.

So where does that leave us? The ship's crew could get they're old CO back but we all know that's quite a pipe dream. That would mean Big Navy would have to admit the whole thing was a mistake, but we're living in a new reality so anything could happen...

Rinse, dry, repeat until nobody remembers

So I do this thing every month of two where I end up on Ebay and I search for trinkets related to old ships I've been on. Most of it is always the same stuff; just cheap stickers that can be printed on demand or ball caps that have, and probably will continue to, sat in a warehouse until they dissolve into dust. The only people who buy this kind of tchotchke are retirees who want to wear something to the store or slap a "I served" type of sticker on their truck. So I scroll through these things, it never changes much so I can scroll through a whole page in a few seconds, just looking for anything new.

So that's what I was doing the other night and something caught my eye. It was a coffee mug, which isn't uncommon to see on there. This one is unique though. It is used and old. Most of these things are reproductions, again just something for old vets to reminisce over. This mug is different. It has a few small chips in it, the ship's logo is faded, and it has a Master Chief emblem on one side. Which is interesting because you have to understand a bit about the Navy to really grasp how much a Master Chief, especially 20+ years ago, cherished their mug. They had a special hook on the wall in the mess for them. You couldn't wash them with soap and water. Just touching it for a junior sailor felt like you were doing something wrong and you would get yelled at.

Here it is now, scrubbed of the immortal coffee stain. At one time it meant so much to the owner and was symbolic to hundreds if not thousands of Sailors who saw the owner ducking through the passageways on the ship, not spilling a single drop of coffee. It would have been there on the desk while someone was getting yelled at, complimented, or maybe topped up and offered to someone else during a confidential conversation where someone was seeking advice with a real-life serious problem like a marriage falling apart. It would have been stolen during chief's initiation and held hostage in jest. When this nameless Master Chief finally left the command, it would have been the last thing to leave the ship. Picked up off it's specific hook in the mess and carried off the ship. It would have been kept in a cabinet at home, maybe with a few more mugs that carried so much history.
To me this mug also symbolizes the "Old" Navy, and reminds me how much I looked up to leaders and salty old chiefs. So maybe a time of innocence, for me. Maybe it's that people don't drink as much coffee, or we're genuinely too busy to carry a mug every where... maybe Chiefs still have these mugs, I just can't remember the last time I said "Hey, that's chief's mug. I wouldn't touch that if I were you."

Elon Musk, destroyer of meetings

I love Elon Musk. He's one beard away from becoming every-man CEO/Evil Genius Hank Scorpio. In 2018 he sent a letter to Tesla employees laying out 6 ways for his business to be more productive. Elon being Elon, this wasn't just some business mumbo-jumbo like streamlining vertical integration. It's something that, as a lifer, I hold near and dear to my heart; driving a stake through the heart of the business meeting. Sitting in a PB4T, budget report, or really any meeting with more than 4 people is the equivalent of going to a funeral where nobody knows the person who died but everyone has to give a speech. There are coffee and donuts but nobody is saying what the really want to say: "WHY ARE WE ALL HERE DOING THIS?!"

Elon Musk's golden truths about meetings:
1. Nix big meetings
2. Ditch frequent meetings too
3. Leave a meeting if you’re not contributing
4. Drop jargon
5. Communicate directly, irrespective of hierarchy
6. Follow logic, not rules

I feel personally targeted by his obliteration of ~40% of my time spent in the military. All of these ideas are grounds for court-martial in practice. Could you imagine any meeting with department heads and the COC where a JO fly-on-the-wall just gets up and walks out because they didn't have anything to contribute? I'm pretty sure any chief in the room would spear him to the deck, put him in a sleeper hold and prop his lifeless body back up in a chair. Every meeting that started in the Navy would just involve the COC taking seats then half the room walking out. Anarchy and chaos.

I'm not even going to get acknowledge the jargon bit, I'll just let this 400+ page dictionary speak for itself.

The Navy has long been touting how great it is to be run like a business. Maybe it's time to really embrace that principle and follow the example set by the greatest businessman alive? Maybe go electric to space?

From One Federal Employee to Another

Just a little reading for everyone. This law was a big deal because it effectively cut off shipments of cigarettes and dip to service members. Which may seem like a good idea but tell any Mo-reen about the hazard to health a cigarette presents and I'm sure it's low on the totem-pole. Well it just got a little personal after I ordered some cigars from famous-smoke.com and they sent me a letter telling me that my FPO shipping address was a restricted shipping address. Well if you read the above statement from the USPS it clearly states that the shipment of Cigars is not restricted. You'd think that a website whose only way to get product to customers is shipping would know the law a little bit better. So this is now a headache.



For those not in the loop, the ban on shipping is really to staunch the flow of cheap nontaxable goods. Money is the root of this problem because states have different tax rates on tobacco products. Even after some changes, it's caused quite an uproar all over the federal government and even some states.The trend of online shipping is either to tax the goods under whatever state tax codes the goods are being shipped under or tax under the tax rates of the recipient's shipping address. Enforcing the latter for the general public and the former for deployed service members would let online companies cover the taxation of sales.

You might as well just start doing this, it's gonna be cheaper...

I can't agree with the outrageous near 8th Amendment violating price strangulation of tobacco that's been happening over the last 20 something years. It's like a whipping horse for federal funds, but also it's acceptable by the general public by putting pressure on whats widely viewed as a nasty habit. So smokers will always have to pay, I just hope after it costs 20$ a pack that they don't turn the all seeing eye toward my cigars.



In other news, Pakistan continues to rally together and rebuild after a devistating flood conduct business as normal.

Brown-Shoe is in Heat for Being Called "Romo's Bitch"

I don't normally like to promote Foxnews.com but there is an interesting story that's been brewing for while. The fly-boy involved, ENS Crowston, was given the call-sign "Romo's Bitch". From the picture below one could argue that he may or may not give it up for the star QB in question.

You can't see it but the back of the shirt is be'dazzeld "I <3 Romo"

No really, I'm not in the Aviation community but this seems over the line. Calling him "Jessica", "Star Child", "Redskin", "Fumbles", "Interception" would have been not only more clever but totally acceptable. The Ensign in question does seem to have a history of starting investigations in his short career, but this seems to be substantiated. Pilots have a reputation for being pretty casual around each other so I can imagine them getting together and coming up with this. It just seems like they are asking for trouble by making it a little too direct. The word "bitch" just doesn't sit right with any guy and if this ENS is gay it would be very disrespectful and offensive. I can't say I'd make the same protest but if he wants to make a career of the Navy it could be a problem. Can you imagine Admiral Steve "Romo's Bitch" Crowston? The blame really does fall at the command level because that person should be mature enough to see the issue with making having his call sign include the word "Bitch". 


But I would definitely serve under Capt. "Pom-Pom"

UPDATE: The above link is now saying the Navy IG is all over the Naval Air Force Investigators that threw out the inital complaint. Big navy is going to be all over this and normally the complaintant will get his way, especially after all this new DATD policy changes be re-worked.

Spreading Good Will and Healing Livers

On this last port stop in Darwin, Australia the ole' USNS Mercy crew was just in time for the Annual Darwin Lions Club Beercan Regatta. There was a lot of talk about this after one of the crew found the web page and word spread like wildfire on the smoke deck about some "beer festival". Sad to say I wasn't in attendance but it looks like the US Navy showed up in a boat that would have made Joseph Daniels proud.

According to CDR Matthew T. Provencher, head of Orthopedic Surgery and also the main boat builder, the USNS No Mercy had "a great and very successful day at the Darwin Lions Club Regatta, with the USNS No Mercy team winning the tug of war competition." The Mini-Mercy took top place in soda can boat and international built boat as well. As for the regatta itself, the multi-hull catamaran style that the Navy loves so much was a good choice and the boat took 5th. For a bunch of shore-loving medical personnel it's very admirable.

The Aussies violating multiple Geneva Convention codes by firing on the "USNS No Mercy"

"It was a total blast – much fun and many people remarking on what a great day it was at Mindil Beach. The combination of the markets, the racing, and the friendly Darwin people created a very fun atmosphere that all enjoyed." CDR Provencher said of the event. The boat and all the proceeds (over 400$) were donated to the Darwin Lion's Club. If you want to get your hands on this award winning testament to boredom while underway, the Lion's Club is auctioning it off for further profits HERE.

Going the way of the Sloop of War

Hot on the heels of one of my last posts I was happy to see this story about the future of the "crack-pac" ships, the Frigates.

I can't really agree with it anymore than to say that I was excited at the idea of just joining the deep water cutter program that the coast guard is using. Its the perfect idea and fits so well instead of this horrid mangled mutant that the LCS is. I used to be excited about the LCS ship platform but over the last few years and reading multiple articles quoting the vocal equivalent of shoulder shruggin coming from Admirals fleet wide, I can't say I'm behind it anymore. The NSC(pictured left doing what looks like a near perfect williamson turn) is an amazing platform that would fit the bill. It can sit on station for a minimum of 60 days while the LCS can only last about a week underway without getting topped off. Also, I saw a better functioning ship in the FSF Seafighter. In fact, after reading up a bit more the sea fighter has a ridiculous range on it which would make it a perfect base instead of the LCS.


I can't fathom the kind of thinking that happens at the top, I guess when you have carrier and nuclear sub drivers at the top you throw budgets out the window and don't see the practicality of a small efficient "dumber" ship. They dream up this budget busting tech monster LCS. Let's not start with the DDG 1000 program... The navy could already have 3 NSC's underway with the amount of money already fed to the DD 1000.